


Klance - Vent Drabbling

by TevinterFugitive



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Depression, Gay Keith (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Insecurities, Keith/Lance (Voltron) - Freeform, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Nightmares, Pansexual Lance (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Self-Doubt, Self-Harm, Vent Writing, Voltron, anxiousness, klance, self-hate, venting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-12 01:54:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10479435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TevinterFugitive/pseuds/TevinterFugitive
Summary: Hi my name is Fen and I'm a suicidal mess that adores Lance Charles McClain with every bit of my being because I relate to him on too many levels (and the same goes for Keith Kogane but Lance was my first Voltron love starting with the original).Basically I vent write and sometimes it leads to good things and sometimes it leads to bad. The bits I've done over the past few months have been mostly Klance and since I'm becoming relatively active on here again I figure it may do me some good to post them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> BE WARNED: There is cutting, self loathing, and the good (well, bad) stuff that comes along with being a depressive, anxious, and insecure mess.
> 
> In my vent writing, I typically will write from the point of view of the character that I am using to represent myself. With these drabbles specifically I found that I enjoyed writing from both boy's POVs.
> 
> It does switch back and forth but not obnoxiously- there are obvious breaks in between and with the way I'll be posting I'm trying to keep it to one POV each 'chapter'.

Lance couldn't remember when he'd picked up the nasty habit. He couldn't really remember how long ago it had started either, or even why.  
He'd gotten more than just good at blocking out shit he didn't want to remember.

The paladin sat quietly near the window of the big, open room, tears streaming down his cheeks in an all too familiar fashion. It was almost a weekly thing now, sitting here and staring out at nothing, a little exacto knife clenched tight in his fist. The addition of the blade to his person was more than just a once a week visitor, but he'd tried to keep that acquaintance concealed from everyone else. He didn't want anyone to know about their talks, or worse, get to know the blade as well he'd come to know it.

Breath slipped through quivering lips as the tan boy shifted to lay on his side, staring out at the vast, dark space before him, blade slipping from his grip as his wounded arm slid into his view.

"You really gotch'yourself good tonight, Lancey."

He snorted quietly, shaking his head at his growled, tired words.

"The biggest disappointment, the worst decision, the most useless asshole...Blue deserves better, Voltron and the universe deserve better..."

Sobs broke him again, shoving and nuzzling his face into his upper arm as he lay there and let the water flow.

Broken.  
But how long had he been broken? How long would he have to keep pressing pieces back on before he'd run out of adhesive?

"Hopefully not much longer," Lance whispered, reaching with his other hand to find the little knife again. When the metal hit his finger tip, he snatched it up with a whimper, bawling harder and weakly pressing it to his exposed, opposite wrist.

"Just fucking do it! S-/suffer/, you deserve it. Ev-everyone else h-has to suffer through you t-too...e-ev-everyone else has to d-/deal/ with your dragged out existence s-so the /least/ you can do for /them/ is drag...out...th-the last bit...of it too..."

He couldn't hold the blade steady though- body, breath, vision, all shaking too hard, only making his pathetic little wails and whines all the worse.

Only turning drizzled tears into full on downpours.

\--------

Keith stretched his arms over his head with a groan after stepping into the quiet room. He looked around with a little squeak of a yawn, laughing sleepily at himself for it until his eyes found the body by the window.

He quickly fell silent, fingers fluttering behind him to where his knife was strapped above his rump, eyes narrowed as he quickly scanned the room. The fiery paladin cautiously made his way towards the body, relaxing as he approached and noticed the gentle but heavy breathing and rise and fall of someone who was very clearly asleep.

A dark brow lifted as he tilted his head, trying to see what the hell Lance was doing asleep /here/, his own body now relaxed to the point that he was nearly stomping towards the idiot. He'd just kick him awake and see what was up before deciding to go back to his own quarters. All the red paladin had wanted was a little walk anyways.

Stupid nightmares.

He approached and opened his mouth to grumble at the sleeping boy, pulling his foot back a little to kick him awake, but he stopped himself.

"L-Lance..?" The dark haired boy whispered, barely even able to hear himself. Wide, blue-grey eyes fell on exposed, tanned skin littered with blood and cuts, a blade settled on the ground beside Lance's other hand, clearly having fallen out of his grasp after he'd drifted to sleep.

Lance...

Keith back-tracked a bit, spinning and making his way for the nearest medical kit, grabbing the little box and heading back to his friend- acquaintance?- as quickly but quietly as he could manage. After settling beside Lance, Keith clicked the box open, pulling out what he needed to clean up the cuts a bit and swallowing a hard breath.

"This...this is gonna' hurt..." he whispered, eyes falling on Lance's face. He couldn't help but huff a sad, little laugh, shaking his head as he noticed the drool slipping from the corner of the lanky paladin's mouth. He bit his lip, reaching out and brushing some of Lance's hair from his forehead, making a mental note of how sweaty he was.

"H-Hey Lance..." Keith whispered, tugging his hair a little. "Lance?"


	2. .

A quiet little groan slipped the brunette's lips as he nuzzled into the gentle touching and tugging of his hair. Now that was a hell of a way to be woken up.

"Nnn...keep playin' with m'hair babe..."

Lance was absolutely still (mostly) asleep, but even a sleeping man knew when to let someone play with his soft and perfectly taken care of hair.   
This was hands down a perfect time for that. Clearly.

"L-Lance...w-wake up."  
More fondling of and fingers running through his hair.  
"We...we don't have to...t-talk about it but...b-but, well, this is gonna' hurt, man."

"Aww, babes, you breakin' up with me? But your hand feels so good..." Lance grinned a little, barely peeking an eye open, maybe a touch more awake now. "If it's not soft enough, just tell me."

" _Lance_."  
The voice was firmer now and before the blue paladin could properly analyze who it belonged to, there was an awful, hiss of a burning sensation from his left arm. The arm that was already always sore and hurting enough as it was.

Dark, blue eyes went _wide_ and he jolted awake at that terrible feeling tugging his nerves.   
"Hey what the f-"

And somehow those blue eyes went wider.

Lance swallowed, staring with his mouth open and eyes welling up as Keith looked back at him with a bit of shock.

He could have sworn the guy was holding his breath. They kept their eyes on each other for what felt like years, before Lance slowly let his fall to the area the pain was coming from.

He wanted to shift away, put space between himself and Keith, but he just couldn't bring himself to tug his arm from the other paladin's grip. He was tired- sick of fighting himself, mentally and physically drained. If Keith actually wanted to 'help', let him. Whatever.

It was more than he could do for himself anyways.

"I...I wanted to c-clean th-"

Lance cleared his throat, choking on a whimper as tears threatened to break his waterline again, his actions accidentally cutting Keith off. He heard the paladin whisper his name, the boy's hand holding the little towelette to his skin squeezing his arm just enough to be noticed.

"H-How..." Lance squeaked, biting his lip as a tear rolled down his cheek. "H-How long h-have y-you...known..."

"Huh? About-" A pause. "I didn't."

Lance looked up, blinking and sniffling a little, catching Keith's expression as it softened. He'd seen Keith look this concerned before, but it was never over _him_.

Well, maybe not exactly like this, but he'd seen Keith look to Shiro with a brotherly concern, a brotherly love, a brotherly freakin' _everything_. The expression he wore now seemed the same though, and it only made Lance's lip quiver ridiculously, resolve and the little bit of strength he'd gathered from sleep quickly fading.

"Lance..? Do you...uh...you like to talk, do you want to talk about it?"

"F-Fuckin'... _ugh_ ," Lance wheezed through sobs, even laughing a little. Keith was always so...Keith. "H-Hi Mullet..."

He watched as Keith resorted to glaring and rolling his eyes, returning his attention to cleaning the dried blood off his arm and making sure the cuts weren't getting infected.  
"I'm trying to help you, moron."

Lance only laughed more through his crying at Keith's grumbling, biting his bottom lip as he watched. Had Keith always been so concerned about _him?_ Had Keith always been so damn handsome in a loose shirt, boxers, and- wait, were those knee high socks?

Yes- to the middle bit, at least.  
Keith had always been handsome. Period.

And those were definitely black knee high socks, the same v-like symbol from their armor patterned all over them in red.  
Nice.

"Th-thanks, Mullet..."

"Shut up, Lance."

Lance snorted another whimpered laugh. "N-No I...I'm serious. Thank you...I...uh..."

He watched the black haired boy shake his head, their eyes meeting for a moment. "We don't have to talk about it, but...well...you know, I _know_  now and I...you could always come get me instead of...doing this to yourself...okay?"

Lance clenched his jaw as he listened, watching Keith's features shift sadly, his voice even shaking a little. The blue paladin swallowed a hard breath- were his actions really effecting Mullet-brain that much? Keith was so very obviously uncomfortable but he was trying to shove that away to make sure he could be there for Lance.

It only made him wonder what the red paladin wasn't saying. Could he...relate? Now that he thought about it, it really wouldn't be surprising...

"Keith that...thanks man but...y-you don't need to do that for me. I'll be fine- I'm always fine!"

Lance forced a laugh as Keith glared at him, whining a little when the red paladin squeezed his arm tightly.

"/ _Wrong_./"

Lance's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to retort but Keith continued.

"You're wrong, Lance. You're _not_  okay. You're...you're important to us, to Voltron, to your family..." Lance listened as his rival's voice cracked weakly. "T-To _me,_  you asshole..."

"K-Keith?" Lance whined, shocked but...

There was no way he meant it like _that_.

\----

Keith whined again, shaking a little as his chin fell to his chest. How had he not realized? How had he not noticed?

Sure, Lance had his moments and was insecure as hell but...

_Shit_.  
How had he not fucking noticed?

"I-I-I'm so sorry, Lance. I...I should have known...I..."

He was grateful when Lance cleared his throat, forcing himself to pull his quivering features upright to meet the taller boy's eyes once more.

"You know, as much as I hate to make this about me, _Mullet_ , what are you talking about? How would _you_ have known? This is...uh...kinda' completely about me?"

Lance's weak laughter made Keith want to scream. How could he still, even now, try to pretend to be so happy, so _Lance_ , even like _this_?!

"You're an idiot, Lance McClain."

"And you have stupid hair, Keith Kogane- hey! Have you ever noticed that our names kinda' rhyme? Or like...jingle together at least?"

Keith blinked, forehead scrunching and brows furrowing. "Jingle together? Lance what are you-"

" _Annnyyyyways_."

Keith only rolled his eyes, going back to focusing on the cuts and getting them cleaned and wrapped up properly. He smiled (just barely) to himself.

No matter how much this _sucked_ and no matter how much Lance was clearly hurting, he was also clearly still _Lance_.

Just...vulnerable. Well, a lot more vulnerable than he usually let on or seemed.

Maybe it was time to try and really help Lance see how much he mattered instead of keeping how much he enjoyed the ridiculous boy's presence bottled up.


	3. .

It was silent for a long, long time after that. How many eternities had passed as Lance tried to think of anything but what was actually happening?

"You know...space just...has so much _space_."

He'd been staring off out the window again, muttering to himself and bawling as silently as he could manage, but the snort at his side brought him back.

"You think that's why they call it space?"

Lance laughed softly through the tears, sniffling and rolling his eyes. "Shit, Mullet, I _never_ thought of it like that."

More time passed and Lance couldn't help but notice that the paladin sitting beside him never once fully let go of his arm. Keith was almost constantly tending to it- whether it be little, gentle brushes of his calloused fingers over the older scars or little dabs of a towelette on a couple deeper cuts that still hadn't stopped entirely, Keith was making sure to stay. To help.

Lance watched Keith with a dumb little grin he hadn't even realized he was wearing, stray tears leaving him every now and then. It hurt like hell but...  
Keith was here, helping him.

Keith. Why Keith? Shouldn't this have been Hunk? Or Coran?

Why?   
And why was it so _nice_.

"You're so strong..."

Lance almost didn't hear Keith speak, his eyes widening a little as his mouth fell open. "N-no...I'm not- Shiro's strong, y- _you're_ strong, but me? I'm noth-"

"Wrong again, Lance."

Lance blinked, narrowing those dark orbs weakly as he tilted his head to the side a little. "Keith?" He hadn't meant to whisper so quietly, and certainly not so tenderly, but...well, the word had already been spoken.

"You...you aren't okay but...you can still laugh, you can still smile..."

Lance blinked slowly, eyes welling up again.

"You're strong, Lance, and...a-and you're losing yourself but y-you're still trying to make sure th-the rest of us are okay..."

"Losing myself, huh?" Lance whispered, his eyes on the ground now as he sat beside the red paladin. Was it really that obvious? Did he have to be so damn blunt about it? So sweet and open and...

"I-I don't want you to lose yourself..."

Lance lifted his head back up, staring at Keith as a silent tear slipped from the inner corner of his eye. What did he-

"I-I...I do-don't want to l-lose my friend...my r- _rival_..."

Lance choked on a sob as Keith finally met his gaze, the paladins both shaking with fear, sadness, a yearning for the friendship they both didn't want to always admit had formed between them.

"K-Keith..." Lance whimpered, smiling as he cried, leaning over and shoving his head into the boy's shoulder.

Almost immediately, Lance felt those strong, firm arms wrap around and hold him tight, tugging him to the side. He was pretty sure there were gentle fingers rubbing over his back too, but was Keith really comforting him or being his usual awkward self because of contact?

No. That grip was too tight, those fingers too serene, calming- Keith was holding him, and if Lance held his breath for just a moment, he could feel and hear Keith shivering with his own quiet tears, _hurt_.

Lance had hurt him...by hurting himself?

\----

"M-Mullet?"

Keith grunted a little, hiding his face against Lance, embarrassed, grip tightening as the blue paladin tried to pull away to talk.

Of course he was gonna' start talking.

"Y-you're _my_ rival."

Keith smirked to himself, shoulders jumping with his quiet laughter at the squealed and whined, (pathetic), but _so very_ /Lance/ remark.

"Nuh uh, you're _my_ rival, I'm not your rival. I'm the better one so you're _mine_ ," Keith whispered back, snorting a little and sniffling a bit as he spoke.

Silence.

Had he said something wrong? Lance didn't respond for a long moment, or maybe more like seven very very long moments. Nervously, Keith pulled back, bringing his hands to his lap as he tried to look at Lance.

The boy sat still, lips pressed together tightly, staring down at the ground between them.

Keith perked up immediately as Lance finally straightened himself and lifted his chin from his chest, eyes weakly mischievous but very gentle, caring.

"Yours, huh?"


End file.
